“It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end”
I got this in a fortune cookie a couple years ago. I’ve kept that little strip of paper to this day. I seem to notice it, or come across it at the times I need to tell myself those very words. Is it coincidence? I’m not entirely sure, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is, it’s a helpful reminder when needed most. And it’s true. It is easier to resist in the beginning than at the end. I thought I would share this, maybe it will be helpful for you too.
Sometimes when we’re talking, I wish I could tell you everything I feel about you… it’s so hard to put into words the feeling of love and gratitude. But I just hope that your heart can hear what my words can’t always say. I love you. You’ve given so much over the years; it’s hard to find a way to say thanks. You’ve taken so much time and made so many sacrifices and created unforgettable memories for our family. I’m sure our past hasn’t been what you imagined it to be. It hasn’t always been beautiful. Some of it has been scary and painful and sad. But through it all we’ve grown with joy and courage and hope and although we don’t have as much time together as we did when I was little I can still look into your eyes and know that you love and care about me and just knowing that gets me through the day. It’s hard to believe I’ve grown up so quickly; definitely not a little girl anymore, and there’s so much pride in having parents like you.
Dozens of memories crowd into my mind of wonderful, growing –up-years of mischief, adventures, decisions, and dreams of laughter and tears. Some people mean so very much and no one could mean more then the very special parents that this letter is for.
I just wanted to finally take the time to thank you and show my appreciation that I know you don’t always see. I know you feel I take things for granted and maybe sometimes I do, but I do know and realize just how lucky I am. I do appreciate every last bit. Thank you.
I always sit around thinking of something to write and usually things come to mind when I’m in the most random places at the most random times. It seems always when I have no way of jotting them down.
I know I can always write about personal issues, like family drama and things a lot those lines. But I think it bores people sometimes. I usually try my best to leave it somewhat open to interpretation, I want people to be able to relate.
I want to write something amazing, something incredible, powerful, something that everyone wants to see, something people would still be talking about days from now. But I am not a professional writer. This blog is all new to me.
My whole life even through all the addictions I wanted nothing more then to be able to help people one day. One way or another. And for now until I finish school this blog is my ‘another’. I know it’s not much. But I also know from personal experience, words are powerful and sometimes being able to relate to someone is enough to know you’re not alone.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have a story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. Your are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Sometimes in life you feel the weight of the world… it can push you down and make you fear it. it can cause stress and pain…but in those moments…remember all that you have done in your life…and what great things you can do in the future.. The feeling of burden may not subside, but the fire you carry in your heart will burn stronger than ever when you live through it. Never let anyone…or anything… steal your flame. i once though of calling our first record “alive and burning” after a song i wrote… i know now that was a silly notion…we aren’t here to…”burn”…we are here on this earth to reach for all that we can get… to see the brass ring and strive for it…not via sardonic tendencies but rather through our own personal strength… to see our heroes and say to ourselves… i want to be better.. i want to be the best i can be. so please…if nothing else… continue to live as you are… and reach for all you can take… you are all beautiful people. Live it.
As we grow up, we learn that even the person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it gets harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is one minute of happiness you’ll never get back.
As I discovered, the path to sobriety is a precarious, complex journey. You obviously want to purge yourself of something that has been so destructive and has had such a grip on you. but in the deep recesses of your mind, you wonder if you will mourn the loss of this old friend that has been by your side for years. I know this sounds sick, but you actually find yourself wondering if your life is going to become quite boring without this crutch. Of course, the yearning for true health far outweighs everything else. You know things are going to be better for you, for your loved ones, and for everyone you encounter. You will no longer have to hide things and live a lie. Yes, that initial high of drugs and booze can be very, very attractive, but it’s not worth the wrecked and trashed feeling you have the next morning. Nor is it worth the cumulative toll it exacts from you.You realize that you can never let your guard down. It’s a lifelong challenge, and addiction is an insidious disease that’s always lurking nearby like a snake ready to strike. Achieving true sobriety goes beyond abstinence. It’s also about healing your soul, apologizing for damage you did to other, and seeking forgiveness.