Fear Of Losing

I am very aware of myself; for the most part. Like I’ve said in the past, I’ve gotten to a point where I know who I am, I know what I want, and I know what I have to do to get there. But it doesn’t seem to excuse the fact that I still have moments when I lose sight of all that I’ve accomplished. I lose sight of myself as a person, I lose sight of my confidence that got me this far. Although it’s only momentarily it can be shattering and controlling. Something kind of takes over you and you lose your sense of reason, you begin to second guess yourself within the fear of losing it all. This is a feeling that doesn’t fit into any category. This is a feeling that lingers. It will morph into different things. It will ebb and flow, rise and fall like tides. It will evaporate with the sun, then fall back down as rain. Sometimes its easy to forget and very hard to remember.

I can keep saying “I am who I am because of my past, and I like who I am” but saying it is one thing, believing it is another. That being said, I do believe it and I do believe in myself. Sometimes you just hope people will bare with you, help you, and try to understand you but it doesn’t work that way. It’s easy to handle someone at their best but much harder at their worst.


3 thoughts on “Fear Of Losing

  1. I have found that when I do little things to believe in me and see evidence of my conviction it is easier to move toward the bigger projects with conviction and knowing.

  2. Hi Crystal, but it will show who is prepared to stand by you during these times. But don’t judge them, they have their own fears and sometimes we reflect those back to them and so they drift away because they are not ready to face them. Just as it takes us many attempts to face that ‘thing’ that tests us for what seems like forever 🙂
    Your doing well, it has been a while and your energy is in a much better place, well done. Last time we spoke you were going through a very difficult time. It is easy to see if you’ve progressed within yourself, just look back and ask yourself would you like to be back in that time. The answer is always no because you HAVE moved past it and are now in a much better place. Maybe still struggling with many things but coming from a place of wisdom because you have dealt with so much. Big hug for your journey 🙂
    I must apologise, I haven’t been getting any of your posts for I don’t know how long, you must have thought I was one of the ones that disappeared. I will un-follow and re-follow and see if that sorts it out.
    It has happened to quite a few that I followed. I’m wondering if it is part of the wordpress code to test if we are not commenting to an individual after X amount of months, it assumes we no longer interact so to reduce the load, starts dropping them off.

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