Almost Over

I haven’t written in a while. I wanted to get through the majority of the methadone withdrawal first. As much as I want to say it’s over… It’s not. The first 4-5 days weren’t so bad but then all of a sudden full blown withdrawal with that eerie feeling of doom. I was so confident going into this, I really thought I was mentally strong enough when it came to cravings but I’m going to be honest, the cravings are driving me mental. Its been almost 2 weeks now and the only thing I’m battling is insomnia and myself. At this point I’m just keeping myself busy and surrounding myself with the right people; doesn’t make it easy, but at least I know the will power is there if need be. All those thoughts and memories never crossed my mind this past year, but that’s what methadone does. It blocks those receptors, those thoughts that attack your brain until you feed it what it wants. I know I’m more than capable of staying clean but I also know how powerful addiction is and it’s not going to be easy, which is okay. The methadone will always be there if I get to a point where I no longer trust myself. This will be my fourth attempt staying clean after methadone, I know I’m in a different place now, I know who I am, and I know what I want. I don’t want to be tied down to any substance, I don’t want to depend on anything or anyone, I’ve done enough of that over the years and I want to be done with it.

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6 thoughts on “Almost Over

  1. I wish you the very best, Gorgeous, I’ve gone through alcohol detox myself, not the same as methadone withdrawal, but the thoughts crawl around in your brain. Good luck, hang in there, wishing you the best.

  2. I can feel your energy, and you are ready. It’s your time. Just remember, its always a beautiful day…if you make it so. Do you want your life back? Make it so! There will be wobbly bits when clouds come over…but the strength you have already shown tells me you are past those days…you really want it this time.
    Good energy coming over, just for those little hesitation moments, a top up so that you can go past them…and create that love for you, that you so fully deserve. Give that love within, to the beautiful lady inside who deserves to be set free and live that truth within. Just be true to you…that is loving yourself. Namaste

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