I haven’t written in a while. I wanted to get through the majority of the methadone withdrawal first. As much as I want to say it’s over… It’s not. The first 4-5 days weren’t so bad but then all of a sudden full blown withdrawal with that eerie feeling of doom. I was so confident going into this, I really thought I was mentally strong enough when it came to cravings but I’m going to be honest, the cravings are driving me mental. Its been almost 2 weeks now and the only thing I’m battling is insomnia and myself. At this point I’m just keeping myself busy and surrounding myself with the right people; doesn’t make it easy, but at least I know the will power is there if need be. All those thoughts and memories never crossed my mind this past year, but that’s what methadone does. It blocks those receptors, those thoughts that attack your brain until you feed it what it wants. I know I’m more than capable of staying clean but I also know how powerful addiction is and it’s not going to be easy, which is okay. The methadone will always be there if I get to a point where I no longer trust myself. This will be my fourth attempt staying clean after methadone, I know I’m in a different place now, I know who I am, and I know what I want. I don’t want to be tied down to any substance, I don’t want to depend on anything or anyone, I’ve done enough of that over the years and I want to be done with it.