Living as a junkie I was able to justify anything and everything. I was able to make sense of the senseless. After a while it was just a part of life, I couldn’t live with the drugs but I couldn’t live without them either. Love/ Hate relationships exist with drugs too.
I would have told you I got high to cope or forget, I got high to feel something, and sometimes feel nothing at all, I got high to be a part of something or to distance myself from everyone else. I got high so I could be seen, and sometimes I got high so I could hide. It comes down to no logic; no sense of reason. Everything was nothing but fallacies, but I believed them because I had to. I was my worst enemy; I justified and reasoned against common sense, against logic,
It was a step of honesty for me to admit I was an addict and that I was powerless over it. I know what it is like to walk in darkness; I know the torment, agony, desperation, and sense of impending doom one feels when their lives are ruled by addiction.
I think recovery is an on going process that brings progress not perfection.