I have a lot of people who resent me. Their feelings are valid, they have every right to. But I wish they knew it was hurting them more than it is hurting me. The bitterness they have for me is eating them alive, and I don’t like that I’m the cause of that. Living with resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other guy gets sick. Re-experiencing and reliving them in ways that deeply affect us emotionally, physiologically, and spiritually in very destructive ways. The inability for them to overcome their resentment makes it very difficult to repair our relationships.
I’m mainly talking about my family; my parents, and my brother. It’s fueled by years of episodes of different things throughout, I have resentment too, but it’s mainly theirs towards me. It can be anything that triggers it to ignite. It can be a recent accusation that provokes these feelings. The strong reaction of resentment almost never appears to be warranted by what sets it off. It’s the result of a long history of backed up unhappiness between us.
I’ll be the first to admit in the past I have been unnecessarily mean, hurtful, and thoughtless. The refusal to forgive hurts; they can say they forgive me. But actions speak louder than words. They rehash the painful past, even if they say they want to let go. They do so because they believe the illusion that by rehashing their resentment, they will achieve the justice they believe they deserve. I don’t blame them for one minute. They hang on to perceived offences because they don’t know any other way of coming to grips with painful feelings of hurt. I want them to know that letting go is not for me, I’m not winning. It’s for them, a gift for them.